i wanna suck a dick. Tonight.
Anonymous asked: How did you convince your parents to let you go to Germany? From what I've heard Germany makes P-town seem tame and it sounds like your parents aren't exactly open-minded.
I’m not sure what “P-Town” you’re referring to, but I’m taking German for a minor and i needed a break, plus studying-abroad looks great on a resume. Plus they used to live here when they were in the Army. :)
i welcome and enjoy any questions or whatever from you. You should be able to tell that in general i am very lonely and will gladly answer and respond whatever you ask of me. jus’ sayin’.
everyone knows last week was equality week with all the red equal signs all over facebook. Well by brother decided to post a long-ass speech about gay rights, and how they are wrong and marriage should be man and woman, blah blah gay = pedo/etc. i corrected him in a message just as long as his and he called me a few days later and i guess he’s not as dumb as my Mom and Sis. he guessed i was not really looking forward to marry-ing a girl. he “still loves me” just like mom. which i hate. because its like “even though you’ve killed someone, i STILL LOVE YOU”
like i am or did something wrong, but the STILL LOVE ME in spite of it. we’ve had some discussions since, but what he wants is to control people. :(
Last week was spring break(1st week of March). i went from here to Dusseldorf, met a group of British lads out for a Stag and became their translator. Sunday went to Koln(Cologne) and absolutely LOVED it. the second day there i found out my hostel was directly across the street from what is know as a “Sauna.” Now, there are real saunas, “sauna”s for Gays, and this place, which was both. it has a hot sauna room, a damp sauna room(which could be used to grope guys in near un-seeable conditions) and two lesser heat “wellness” sauna rooms. and there was a nice bar for food and drinks. and then the rest of the place was a jacuzzi, and a dark labyrinth with rooms that could close with nice little beds inside and other little rooms with gloryholes. now the first time i went it was good for me. i had sex 5 times and orgasmed thrice. it had been MONTHS since i touched someone and it was a good night. i then went to Munich, which i found not as good as Koln, went to a “sauna” there and it was small and terrible choices in men. Apparently Munich is the home of the leather/dom fetishes; i passed at least 5 stores and/or leather bars just walking around one night. While i enjoy looking at that online, its a bit scary in person. So i went back to Koln and the original sauna. this time was not as fantastic as the first and quite sketchy with less good options. plus i think i was coming down with the cold i have now. might’ve had something to do with leaving the place with wet hair. :/
So on goes learning German, i have less that 2 months left and then i’m going to be traipsing around Italy for two weeks with my mom. Woo.
Not too excited about the new Pope, still super homophobic. But that is to be expected i guess. :/
30 mins of that walking fast on a treadmill cuz i’m a sprinter not a distance runner.
Have been working out since this post first came up. sick now(march 14) but want to get back into it as soon as i’m better. feels good
i’ve gained a lot of weight since i stopped working out last semester. That and since being in Germany i’ve been eating rich delicious foods. God depressed from talking to my mom. She always knows what to say to kill my self esteem. Been sick since so couldn’t go to the gym, even if i had ambition to. Which i didn’t cuz i couldn’t stop telling myself in my head that i hate myself. so i dont get anymore chips, and i’m gonna drink less beer. and once i get better i’m gonna try to go to the gym more often that the five times i’ve been since i got the membership on the fifth. i’m a lazy bastard and i hate how my body looks. doesn’t help i recently shaved my beard and i saw why i hate my face without it. it distracts from the lack of a jawline.
because the only way i get people to hang out with me is either sex, awkwardly asking if i can tag along, or getting them to pity me. guess which one is most common? does it matter. i’m always fucking alone. no one wants to do things with me. everyone makes plans with others. is there something wrong with me? am i that fucking ugly? am i not loud or stupid enough? sorry my sense of humor is different, blame my family and stop being so serious. its like- who do i have to be so i can have some friends?
why am *i* not allowed to make plans with someone? why doesn’t anyone want to go somewhere with me? why, even after traveling across a FUCKING OCEAN doe nothing really change?
why do i always have to be sad?
Daniel and i were growing apart for a couple months since he knew i was going to Germany. We didn’t see each other often enough to keep any romance so we decided to just be friends. it was completely mutual and friendly, if still a bit sad.
It did free me to try stuff and guys here “nach deutschland.” As i’ve said, the guys here are all pretty hot, but the problem is that they all dress well so my gaydar is going haywire. Skinny jeans, scarves, and wacky hair are the norm! and clubs are for everyone! arrg.
Many people have gone traveling to Amsterdam or just another part of Germany this weekend, and i was thinking of hitting up Bremen but i dont really want to go alone, though i still might. Depends on how much work i want to do tonight for my classes.
More i hate the connections i have to my family. The pain they cause is never worth the fleeting joy and/or happiness and/or “Love” that frankly i’ve not often felt from them.
I HATE feeling left out. and i cant DO anything about it because then i’d be inviting myself which is something i was raised not to do. dammit. i’d probably have more friends.
I’m in AMAZING Europe and i want to travel and see everything! But im a coward that doesn’t want to leave his room. Roommate made me feel like more of an intruder, because i’ve accidentally slammed the door on my way out a few times. So now i don’t even want to leave my room. i used to be okay with the apt. I know i probably shouldn’t take it so personally since that is how Germans are, but that was the FIRST thing he did once he got in. he went straight to my door.
And i have no one to travel with so i cant make the effort to try to travel alone. even to a bar! even though i enjoy walking by myself! I want to go places! but i just excuse the thought with a “it’s too expensive.”
ugh. soo many good looking guys and i’m just sitting here being ugly and fat.
I am in GERMANY!!!
It was extremely stressful for the past month or so!
Food here is not expensive! People are all attractive! Homework!
No, i didnt tell him i like guys. I told him Anderson Cooper does, after my dad said he liked AC. He got upset at me. lol.
So, in a week i’ve gone from “fuck my life i want out” to in a study abroad program with a $800 reservation position in a program next semester in Lueneburg, south of Hamburg. Gettin that done and i will be basically taking two years of German language in a semester. I. CANNOT. WAIT!!!!
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